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1086 Syndrome

1086 and all that!

Below is a copy of a newgroup post(s) or original that were authored by myself so I have full copyright. I either thought they were amusing or others enjoyed them as well.

Contact me if you want to use this in any form.

For those times when the NEW piece of software or hardware won't install or work in a simple manner. The things the manuals, support and FAQs don't tell you.

"My software says it needs more memory, what do I do?"

You know why that was don't you..

The fault here was not the amount of memory but the 1086 syndrome :-)

The 1086 syndrome is when you have new software that does not work on existing real world machines; because you forget to read the system requirements for the 'new' software to run on the same system as the developer:-

**System Requirements**
CPU	1086 running with 128bit wide bus @ 50PHz (peta hertz 10 ^15) [1MHz = 10^6 = 1 million] 1PHz = 1 thousand million million Hz = 1 million GHz
RAM	1TB ( 1 terra byte) preferably with negative wait states. 1TB = 1 million million bytes = 1000 Gigabytes
Hard Drive	1EB (1 exabyte 10^18 bytes) [1GigaGigaBytes]
Bus speed	So fast that the time taken is faster than the speed of light
Screen	1M X 1M with the ability to display 1G of colours Screen update rate 1KHz
Internet Connection	100Gbps fibre optic dedicatd link to the manufacturer with backup triple satellite link to 'register' or 'activate' the software.

**Optional Interfaces**
TPI	TelePathy Interface so that you understand what the programmer means, and the machine interprets do this to the 30 million commands required to perform the task of making a cup of tea
Mouse	Something to get dirty rollers, has too short a cable, and inevitably gets lost under paperwork. But required to make the actual choice of DO NOT REFORMAT the disk..
Printer	Device to output the rain forest of descriptions and instructions that would take 5 years to decipher. (By that time four more versions have superceded this version)

I hope you are suitably enlightened ..

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